Overcome Self-Doubt: How to Build Self-Regard

Low Self-Regard, often a by-product of perfectionism, will make you miserable and rob the world of your gifts in the process. Let's not allow that to happen. In this series, we are exploring the various dimensions of emotional intelligence. We are working with the EQ-i 2.0™ model, but these ideas are broadly applicable. We hope this information offers some insights regardless of whether you are using a tool like the EQ-i 2.0 assessment. In this installment, we are looking at Self-Regard, which, along with Self-Actualization and Emotional Self-Awareness, is part of the Self-Perception composite. What is Self-Regard? Self-Regard is respecting yourself while understanding and accepting your strengths and weaknesses. When we have healthy levels of Self-Regard we experience a sense of inner strength and self-confidence. When we struggle with Self-Regard, we can be simultaneously over-critical of our weaknesses while also unable to leverage and enjoy our strengths. With low levels of Self-Regard, we can feel unsure of ourselves, insecure in our abilities, and hampered by self-doubt. Strong Self-Regard results in a consistent and steady feeling of self-acceptance and self-respect. You like who you are, and you come across as confident and self-assured. Two things you can do to improve Self-Regard right now:

1. Interrupt your inner critic. Notice how you talk to yourself. Ask yourself, what would I say to a good friend who was feeling this way. Then say that to yourself instead.
2. Instead of a to-do list, make a “done list.” Write down the things you have accomplished today, even little ones. Often you will find you have accomplished more than you realized.

Too much of a good thing: When Self-Regard is out of balance relative to other dimensions of emotional intelligence, it can lead to feedback that you are arrogant, vain, narcissistic, or over-confident. The solution is not to suppress your sense of self-regard, but rather to do more of those behaviors that create balance. These include focusing more attention on EI dimensions like Interpersonal Relationships, Empathy, and Social Responsibility. One last thought: Of all the EQi-2.0 sub-scales, Self-Regard is most strongly correlated with depression. Low self-regard does not automatically mean one has depression, but an unusually low self-regard score might be a signal that it's time to seek professional help from a therapist or counselor. Depression is real. It’s not your fault, and there are many things you can do to feel better. Don't wait. Thank you for reading, and stay tuned for more on emotional intelligence. In this series, we will be doing a deep dive into each EQ–i 2.0 sub-scale, explaining how it plays into overall EI, and looking at actionable opportunities for developing it further. In the meantime, you can subscribe to our newsletter via email to make sure you don’t miss future articles like this one, and you can click here if you are interested in taking the EQ–i 2.0 assessment.